No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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