Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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