I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
