i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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