he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
