Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize