feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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