I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You smell like stripper and shame
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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