I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
