I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
COCAINE IS GR8
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
