You just made me feel so damn special
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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