Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You are a genius and a whore.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
