so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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