Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
