She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
