I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
