I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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