so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
