I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
