I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
