Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize