how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
