Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
