Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
