you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
