I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
