my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
