Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
