You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
