at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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