Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
