All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
