I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
