You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize