she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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