I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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