My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
