I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
