margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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