never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
