it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize