I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
