Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
