I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
