..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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