Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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