shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
