If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
