A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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