maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
