It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
