If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
