That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
