I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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