He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
