So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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