Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
