haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
