Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
