R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
