i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
