im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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