Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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