you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
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