Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
