he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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