So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I have surprise drugs for everyone
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize