Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
