he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
