is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
