well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
