You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
