look no pants
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
