I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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