3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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