No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
