the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
