whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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