He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
