Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
