Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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