what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
