i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
