Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
