I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
