i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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