Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
